I don't want anybody else. I'ts the excitement of having someone new, the excitement of meeting someone new. A new face you've never seen before. A new voice you've never heard before. A new story of another life that you have never heard before. But somehow even in the excitement, I can hear my heart drop, doubt consume me and I am once again afraid. Why would I enter into such a difficult situation? the answer is in my question, its because it's difficult that's why. Have I ever done anything that's easy? I don't roll like that. It's the story of my life. The nature of my existence. If it makes me sweat, I'm all over it. Well I guess that's the beauty of life, who just want to go with the flow, only dead fish do that(qouted from a famous saying).
But I won't lie, I really like this new guy, he is not much. He is no Wayne, tho Wayne seemed fitting in all his sexiness and glory and ambition. He was somehow flawless and yet was full of flaws I couldn't stand. My heart couldn't enter into it and the natural flow of things left me unhappy. I will forever wonder about that, about him, about if maybe I had given him enough time and attention maybe things would have turned out differently. I have to believe though that there's a reason why they didn't.
So as I get excited to be with someone new I hope all goes well. Because I don't feel like I want to wait for someone new, or anything like keep playing I just want this one person, I don't want anybody else. Although I'm scared, I've never been so afraid before to embark on something new. Usually I just want to jump in recklessly but as I continue with this post I feel myself fall into a pitt of fear. Why am I suddenly so scared. Life and experience has taken my spirit. My reckless spirit that is. Might as well though, it was great and adventurous but also dangerous and painful so goodbye to that and hello to wild but responsible mimie
